March=prison sentence

I find I am not a big fan of March. Never have been. Not where I live. It's sort of like if you've been dieting hardcore for 3 months and then someone gives you a candy bar for good behavior but then says "wait, never mind!". March is supposed to be the first part of spring! You get a couple of lovely warm days, then the cruel wind blows, making it more miserable than winter. I dressed my 5 year old up in snow gear yesterday so she could go out to play- snow boots, snow coat, hat, gloves the works and she came back in after 5 minutes completely demoralized by the freezing wind. This month is the hardest for me to stay positive. So I did the only thing I could think of...

I got my favorite brownies. These are the best brownies of all time. The End. Seriously, try them. These are garenteed to put a smile on your face, even if it is March. Then I covered them in chopped up skors bars and I could feel those clouds lifting.

Also, my flowers are starting to come up in my little garden! I can't remember what they are but I am excited!

The princess nail polish is for size comparison only.

One more thing, I never really gave an update on meditation. Not only was my sleeping improved but a few nights ago my husband out of the blue just said "well, you seem happier lately." I wasn't trying to prompt him or anything. "For how long?" I asked. "A couple months" he said. I can only guess it's the meditation. I don't feel bursting with happiness, I just feel like things role off my back so much faster.

That's all for now folks.
Janae

Yeah, he's mine.

I have a little story for you, about how human kindness can affect everyone around us.

Yesterday there was no school so my nephew Austin came over to hang out with us while his mom was at work. Elle was out for preschool too and it was a cloudy yucky day so I decided to take all the kids to this really cool McDonald's play place to let them play and have lunch. We were all sitting down eating when I realized I needed Mayo packets to make fry sauce for everyone ( I love fry sauce and I will make it when not provided!). I asked Austin to go get it so I could sit with the little kids.

Austin was gone for about 10 minutes. Way too long to run up to the counter to ask for Mayo. I started getting nervous, I couldn't see the order counter from where I was, so I got up, leaving my own kids to wander away and saw that Austin was standing at the counter getting the packets. "Odd", I thought. There wasn't very many people in line.

When Austin came back and sat down he said "do you know what took me so long?" "What" I said. "There was a man with crutches trying to carry his food tray back to his table and he wasn't going to make it, so I got out of line and asked if I could help him. He said yes, so I carried his food for him so he wouldn't drop it, and he said thanks! But then I had to get in the back of the line again."

My eye's immediately misted over right there. You see, Austin is only 8 years old. Some how an 8 year old boy knew that he could help someone who needed him. I saw plenty of Adults and older kids in that line but it was Austin who noticed him and gave up his place in line without a thought to run over and help this guy. As we were leaving, this guy flagged me down and asked "is Austin yours?" I gave it a moments thought, and decided for simplicity's sake to just say "yeah, he's mine". The man then recounted the story for me again, saying that it was completely spontaneous and how grateful he was that Austin had helped him. He had a huge smile on his face from ear to ear. It looked to me like he had brought his 4 year old son by himself- crutches and all- to play.

Sometimes we have our eye's set so keenly on our goals we forget to stop and look around. Maybe there's someone we too can help who "isn't going to make it". And that can make all the difference for that one person. We too can be like a certain 8 year old boy to make this world happier for everyone. That act of kindness not only had the man on crutches smiling, but Austin and I as well. It can have a rippling effect on everyone around you.

Austin wins my nicest person of the day award, hands down.

Kindness to you all,
Janae

Get the 'tude.

Last but not least in my best of the best positive habits is Gratitude. I've already talked about gratitude a bit, but it's just that important. I've read story after story of people who healed themselves from broken hearts, depression, divorce, emotional abuse etc. by just focusing on gratitude. For me, when I'm feeling really down, I HATE it when people say the ever so patronizing phrase "count your blessings! see what God hath done!" I then imagine burying those people in the ground with only their heads showing and pulling out the lawn mower for a little landscaping. I'm not a violent person I swear, that's just what this phrase does to me. So don't worry, I'm not going to over simplify all our problems down to "count your blessings". I've got some sure fire ways to getting you into the groove. The gratitude groove. Ah yeeeah!

Let's review. Gratitude journal: you must write down things you are truly grateful for. It does something to your brain to actually see it and review it.
Give out mental awards: This may not seem like something related to gratitude but it's all in the same family. We're trying to get our mind to habitually gravitate towards noticing whats right with the world and our lives, not whats wrong; because Lord knows that comes too easy on it's own!

How could I make gratitude a little more fresh? So when I was meditating yesterday a picture of my Dad popped into my mind. My Dad and I have had a complicated relationship but through it all, he's still my Dad. The reason I thought of him while thinking of gratitude is that he has MS. A disease where your immune system attacks the lining of your brain that deals with muscle function. People with MS quickly learn to cop an attitude of "use it or lose it". Meaning that every muscle that you don't stretch and massage will be lost forever to you. Even so, you will slowly lose muscle function until you become statue like. My father is now in a wheel chair with only limited use of one hand and speech. About a year ago, I noticed a journal sitting out on my parents kitchen counter labeled "Ron's gratitude journal". This was before I'd even thought of doing one myself. I didn't pick it up or look through it but it has occurred to me that probably the things that are in that journal are each and every thing that he still CAN do, and every muscle that he still has some control over. How important would a simple finger be to you? If you're like me, you've probably never even thought about it. Now, how important is that one finger that can still sort of bend to my father? My dad has never once expressed any anger for his situation, and never once have I heard the words "Why me?" come out of his mouth. He's told me that he's grateful everyday that he can still speak to his wife, children, and grandchildren. If someone with only use of one hand and speech can find things to be grateful for I think I can too.

I didn't mean to tell this story as a big bummer, I just can't help but think how much we take for granted good health. Every single toe and every single bone and ligament is amazing. Your heart is the first organ to start working as a fetus and is the last to shut down when we die, but always pumping to keep us alive. So today, thank a body part. Even the body parts that aren't your favorite (ahem, my thighs). Thank them all because someday you could lose them. Although I don't know if I would be sad to lose my thighs...

Ok, that was a little heavy, so here's a joke for the day. Since laughter is a great positivity booster I'll start doing this with every post. yay!

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. 
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." 
The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married." 
"Why not," giggles the woman. 
"Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket." 

Read more: http://www.ajokeaday.com/Clasificacion.asp?ID=48#ixzz1Fw0f8l00


Thanks to all of you who read this convoluted blog. You all rock.
Janae

What the world needs now.

I haven't quite finished my "cream of the crop" in happiness series. I got a little side tracked thinking about wanting a new house, but I'm moving on! Today, I'd like to talk about the L word. LOVE. Not just passionate love, but the unconditional kind that encompasses everything. We love our pets, our spouses, our parents, children, movies, books, food etc., you name it. What about complete and utter love for ourselves? What about complete love for everyone on the planet, including people you can't even stand to look at? Wouldn't life be fuller lived if we loved everyone unconditionally instead of holding on to anger and resentment?

I read in a book that we should learn to be Love philanthropists and not Love beggars. Which means, learn to have so much love inside your being that you have limitless amounts to give away without ever losing any yourself. Don't go begging to people, hands out stretched, asking "will you love me if I'm thin? will you love me if I'm beautiful? will you love me if I make a lot of money?". I love this idea! It shouldn't matter whether we get compliments or complaints from other people, they are only making projections of how they feel at the moment, and often I find it doesn't have much to do with me at all. We don't have to beg to be loved if we are already filled with love.

Love is indicated to be the most powerful positive emotion we have, but of course the day I want to write about loving everyone is the day I find it the most hard. Kid's these days right? We love our kids so very, very, much, but sometimes I feel like they just making everything so difficult it's hard to remember WHY we love them. I don't think perfect love means you never get angry and you suppress everything, just that at the core you love them without condition. My kids may throw fits that make me feel insane in the brain but I still love them no matter how they act or don't act. To have even more love in your life you can shift this unconditional love for your kids or spouse to people you don't even know, and then eventually, to people you don't even like.

One way to do this is to wish people well (silently unless you want to get looks). In my head while sitting at the dinosaur museum I silently wish another mom sitting next to me "May you be safe, may you be physically happy, may you be mentally happy, may you have well being". The woman who almost clips my car in the Walmart parking lot? First I say some jerk reaction choice words but I bring it back to "may you be safe, may you be physically happy, may you be mentally happy, may you have well being". Direct this phrase, first to yourself, then slowly to people you love, then people you don't know, then people you actively don't like. I'm still on the "people you don't know" phase myself. The weirdest thing is, the more you wish people well, the more you will feel well yourself. Just try it! You can do it anywhere and anytime. It's so easy.

Try it for one day... say, THIS day, and get back to me how it made you feel. You don't have to try to evoke any special feelings- just say the phrase slowly and carefully, mentally directed at one person fully at a time. You can even spend the entire day directing it towards yourself. In fact it might take several weeks or months for each phase, but for a trial run you can direct it to anyone to see how it feels, then go back and do it more slowly. Let me know what you think!

Janae

Mythical

The myth of MORE and the myth of WHEN. Do you ever get stuck in these never ending myth vortex's? The myth that "I will be happy when I have MORE stuff", and "I will be happy WHEN things go my way". What happens when you get that toy or that promotion? Think back to the last time you longed for something and the planets aligned to give you that very thing. How long did it make you happy? For me this "thing" is usually clothes, they're my weakness, my little lovely's. That perfect pair of pants that simultaneously lift your butt and suck in your thigh's, or that shirt that's so deceptively simple but makes you look like you suddenly went from B's to C's. Researchers say that "things" make you happy for about 3 days. Then you return to your happiness set point. It never adds to your overall happiness.

Back up, what is a "happiness set point"? Researchers say that everyone has what is called this happiness set point. It's sort of like a thermostat of happiness and it's set so that you always come back to a certain level. Like if you set you're thermostat to 65, your house air control will heat or cool the house until it get's back to about this range. Maybe it will get a few degree's hotter or cooler but it's always trying to reach the set point. So here's the fun part, researchers have also found that you can raise your happiness set point. Not with thing's or when's, but how things are, right now.

You can find all of this information and much more in the book Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff. I heart this book. I rarely say I heart things, but this book I do, I really, really do. It's one of my top 5 books towards greater happiness. Now I haven't read every book out there, but I've read about 20 books on this subject and I'm going to be giving you the fabulous 5 at the top of my list, of which, this is one.

The problem with things and when is, if you think about it, to have a happy life, you will somehow need to string together a constant parade of getting things and making things go your way. That sounds pretty exhausting and disappointing to me. You're pegging your fulfillment of life on external circumstances and people who will probably never live up to your standards. Marci Shimoff explains it like this: It's like a necklace that you are stringing beads on. If the string you are using is already happy, then you can put any color bead on it you want. Be it a new car, loss of a loved one, a job promotion, a vacation etc, your core is happy even though you are experiencing anger, love, sadness or whatever.

I've seen this very thing in myself with houses I've lived in. The first house I lived in being a married adult was a tiny run down half a step up from being in a trailer park. I often thought, "wow, I've got to get out of here, I'll be so much happier!" When we finally moved to a hip apartment in Salt Lake we were over joyed. It was so clean! It had a fire place! It had a pool! Oh glory of glories! About 6 months later I felt the same about that apartment as I did about the first house. Rent was being raised! the thing was tiny! No yard! 3 flights of steps hauling my baby and car seat up and down! Oh, I would be so happy if we lived in a house! We finally bought our current house and I was so happy. For about 6 months until I was wanting the next biggest and baddest thing. Then the housing market absolutely bottomed out, and I was forced to change my attitude of "I'll be happy when we get a bigger house". When I look back, I was always already happy in every house I've lived in. I just liked that high of getting in the bigger and nicer house which only lasted about 6 months. And let me tell you, this constant wanting drives my husband up a wall. The best thing about my house now isn't the paint on the walls or the number of beds/baths. It's my friends in the neighborhood and my kid's friends. I've got such a good thing going here that money didn't buy and money can't take away.

So next time you find yourself thinking, "I'll be happy when..." or "I'll be happy with more..." Stop and take a look around. I think you'll find you're already somewhat happy with at least some things in your life. Focus on those things and appreciate them everyday, this is one of the ways you can raise your happiness set points from the inside out.

Peace out.

Janae

Let's get physical!

All this talk about how to be more mentally happy warrants some talk about how to be physically happy too. Think of it like a house. Each foundation wall represents a different aspect on how to be happier. Let's say there are 4 walls; Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Social. If there's a roof on our imaginary house we'll call it spiritual. If, even one wall is sagging and dilapidated then that house would not be a very pleasant place to live. Even if every other wall is healthy and strong would you buy a house that has a wall completely rotting away?

It also works in reverse. If you have a wall (or area in your life) that is sagging, making the other walls as strong and upright as you can, can pull the lagging wall up with it. Maybe not ALL the way up, but vastly improved. Make any sense? I'm of course talking about diet and exercise! No no no, don't click away to the next blog yet! I know, diet and exercise, blah blah blah. What else new would I have to say about it? Well, nothing really. Many people much smarter and with much more experience have paved the way for that. I'm going to talk about our attitude towards physical health.

I read an MSNBC article once that said Americans are very all or nothing people. We have some of the hardest working people in the world and some of the laziest. Some of the thinnest and some of the fattest. The most moral and the very immoral. etc. Now whether you agree or not with their assessment I happen to feel it's true for myself on an individual basis. If I can't lose 10 pounds in the first week of an exercise plan I give up, and eat a box of Oreo's.

I've really had to change my attitude about exercising. Exercising just to be more healthy and happy doesn't sound very motivating but it really is! When I'm completely wrapped up in diet and exercise for self image's sake alone I tend to push myself as hard as I can and get it all perfect for about two weeks until I can't take it anymore and binge in front of the T.V.... And eat a box of Oreo's.

When I remind myself to treat my body nice to be more healthy it goes more like this. I work out about 2 - 3 times a week. Whenever I feel like it, never on the same schedule. I add more fruits and veggies and eat more salads. Now here's the kicker, when I fall off the plan I don't beat myself up and, well, eat a box of Oreo's. I have a couple Oreo's, and then just try again next week. I don't freak out and loath myself in my closet, rubbing those soft size 2 jeans on my face that I bought to motivate me to lose a gazillion pounds! Not that I ever did that... ahem. Anyway, the point is when you stop setting unrealistic goals and then putting yourself down that you didn't achieve them, you'll find you stick to your plan much easier. Go ahead, take a bite of cake. You deserve it! So you only went for 1 walk this week. Who cares! Studies show that people who have compassion for themselves stick to their diet and exercise plans for waaaaaayyy longer than people who give up and sink into depression. Stop yelling at yourself and you'll find you feel like exercising more and eating less crap all on your own.

That's been my experience. I do Yoga about twice a week. Do I have rippling muscles? Am I a size 2? Have you seen me? But I've stuck with Yoga for.... drum roll please. Over one year straight. Find something that works for you and set a realistic goal that you can stick with. I've been adding Jillean Michaels 30 day shred to my mix, but only once a week. I know Jillean would cuss in my face if she heard that, but it's something I can sustain and feel good about. I'm not 400 pounds Jillean! Stop yelling at me! Okay, she get's in my head sometimes, it's over now.

So next time you hop on the hamster wheel of diet and exercise, whatever it might be, just have a little compassion for yourself. Don't focus so much on bikini's and hot pants, focus more on being happy and releasing some endorphins. Focus first, on keeping your house of happiness in balance and the rest will follow. I should probably go practice what I preach right now before Jillean starts up again.

Janae

Ranting and Raving

I have a wonderful new post all planned out but instead, I need to get something off my chest. I HATE house cleaning. I mean, I really HATE it. I know, I know, no one likes it, but it just has to be done right?

I guess this ties into my blog, in that a lot of my negativity in life revolves around the state of my cluttered home. Sad. I am forever apologizing to anyone who will listen that it is so "messy". To which all of my friends kind heartedly wave their hands in a dismissing way and make sympathetic; non- committing noises. Everyone, it seems to me, apologizes profusely for "the mess", even if it's made up of 2 dishes in the sink, while the rest of the house lies in a scrupulously scrubbed paradise. I feel like I'm stuck in a never ending cycle of cleaning and mentally yelling at myself for not getting more cleaning done. It's never good enough! And even if I can get it looking half way decent my 2 and 5 year old quickly take care of any area they might have not yet destroyed.

At what point in our history did houses stop being houses and start becoming art that you live, cook, bathe, and sleep in? Every wall must be adorned with beautiful well thought out pictures, toys should never be seen, clothes should always be hung in an organized and pleasing to the eye closet. Furniture is no longer furniture but large abstract puzzle pieces that must all match each other and compliment the room.

Okay, don't get me wrong, I really want my house to be clean and hygienic as well as a pleasant environment that my family and I actually want to be in. It's the self castigating for not having everything "perfect" at all times and under all situations that get's me down. Know the feeling? The harder I work the more there is to do, and just when I get on top of the laundry there's another 6 loads waiting for me.

My particular brand of happiness is two fold, reduction of stress and negativity (notice I said reduction, and not eradication) coupled with layering on more positivity. So if most of my daily negativity revolves around my house, it makes sense to me to try to reduce that stress. I've been thinking a lot about how I can do this and I've come up with a few ideas.

Number 1. Stop putting myself down for not having a perfect house! How odd that my self esteem should be tied to how beautiful the architecture I'm living in is.

Number 2. Stop saying I'm sorry. If I was really sorry, I would work night and day to correct the situation. I do the very best that I can everyday so why am I sorry about that?

Number 3. Make the job more pleasant. For me this is listening to music or audio books. I love audio books!

Number 4. Seek help. Why do I have to do it all myself? Should I be less proud if I didn't do 100% of it? Why can't husbands and kids help? Also, I'm not adverse to the idea of paying someone to help me. Cleaning maids are soooo expensive, but I well remember the days of being 12-15 years old and yearning for a little spending cash. Possibly there is such a person in my neighborhood who wouldn't mind vacuuming once a month for less than minimum wage? If someone did come in to help clean regularly I don't think I would work any less, I would just have a cleaner house which equals less being upset with myself. Win!

Number 5. Blog about my loathing of scrubbing poo out of toilets for a living for sympathy and support. Done.

I just had to get that out there. Something about winter makes me crazy over home chores. Throw in one part cabin fever, one part loss of motivation due to constant cloud cover, and fill the rest of the way up with never being able to leave the house because of sub zero temperatures and you've got a recipe for an episode of Hoarders.

Thank you for listening to my mad, mad ravings. Down with the institution of home perfectionism!

Janae

Meditation practice

Did you know there's a tiny town in Iowa, who all meditate together as a community? The town's name is Maharishi Vedic City, and anyone who wants to, can meditate together for 20 minutes twice a day. You might think this is totally weird, but this town enjoys less sickness, less traffic accidents, and... no crime. How's that for a crime rate? Just like Liz Lemon from 30 Rock I think "I want to go to there!". I'm just not so sure about living in Iowa climate. Perhaps we can begin a new town in Hawaii?

Meditation is a method refined over 3,000 years, handed down from the wisest monk to the next. Today it is a bonified psychology, used mostly to assuage depression, anxiety, chronic pain, addiction and OCD. It is THE number one stress reducer out there. Why? It sever's the link between negative thought and negative emotions. Therapists have a triangular model that shows the vicious cycle of negativity. It goes like this, Negative thought = negative emotion = negative behavior. (It can also go in revers by the way). Meditation asks you to take a step back and simply look upon negative thoughts and emotions without trying to change them and with no judgement. Eventually you can train yourself to let any negative thoughts, such as, I'm not good enough, to come and go without having the accompanying feelings of despair and then lashing out. Just because you have a thought, does not mean you must become that thought.

Meditation also cultivates strong feelings of self acceptance. Not of how you want to be, but of how you are right now. I love hearing stories of this actually working in people's lives, so here's a story I found in my book Positivity by Barbara Fredrickson. Barbara is a positive emotional researcher which means she and her colleagues create random assignment studies of people and what may or may not make them have more positive feelings. In one of her studies she tells of a completely random assignment that was sent out for people in the work place to sign up for. She tells of Nina, who, signed up for the experiment and happened to land in their meditation group. All participants whether they were in the meditation group or not were asked to rate their feelings and emotions at the end of every work day. In addition, the meditation group was asked to meditate for 20 minutes per day during they're lunch hour for 3 months. At the end of the study Barbara was blown away by the upsurge of positivity of the group doing meditation whereas the control group showed no visible improvement. In particular Nina's story stood out to her and she called her for an in depth interview. I'm going to paraphrase it a bit because it's a few pages long but here it is.

Nina's story: At the beginning of the study, I was so hard on myself and everyone around me. I was depressed, lonely and often teary eyed. When I got home from work I would pester my husband "why are you just sitting there when there are things to be done!" I suffered from frequent, painful migraines and stomach pains. For years I had been trying to conceive and blamed myself month after month for failing to do so. It kept coming down to "what am I doing wrong?". Most of the time I just wanted to come home from work and bang my head against a wall.

Barbara's philosophy is that if you have a ratio of 3-1 positive to negative emotions you begin to thrive in life. Nina recorded about a 1-1 on her scale. One positive thought for every negative one. Not a very flourishing life. After the study this is how Nina described her life:

I rarely have headaches anymore and the stomach pains are completely gone! I feel more confident. Certain things just tend to roll off my shoulders instead of bothering me all day long. I feel peace within myself and can share it with others around me. I connect more with others and have more compassion. Now when I get home from work I think "there's always going to be more dishes to be done, I'd rather relax right now because I love the way it makes me feel". Thank you for bringing this study into my work place. Meditation is a wonderful way to relax and I will continue to do it. It is a wonderful feeling of peace within my soul.

Nina's positivity ratio raised from a 1-1 to a 6-1! As well as her feelings of happiness, Nina also was able to conceive. Her and her husband had one older child and longed to expand their family. After the meditation study Nina decided to just let it go and reconnect with her husband. She decided that maybe they were meant to be just a family of three. Now, there's several links between positivity and conceiving but nothing proven so far yet. But after Nina learned to relax and love herself she conceived not only one but two children. Twins!

Nina is one of many stories of learning to love and accept. I can't get enough of these! Now, I realize that many of you are probably not going to start sitting down every day to meditate. All I really want is to plant the idea and make it seem not so crazy nutcase hippie woowoo. Even if you already experience peace and happiness within your life, is there any reason you DON'T want more? and more?

I suggest trying what I am going to call "the 3 minute primer". Sit down at any time of the day and set a timer so that you can let go of time. Do the breathing exercise from this blog and picture yourself as the most relaxed you've ever been. Maybe lying on a beach or taking a nap on the couch? Now, for 3 minutes simply watch your thoughts. Don't try to only have positive ones. Let whatever pops up come. Think "here comes a thought now", and watch it as it forms and dissipates without pursuing it or judging it. Also, don't get upset with yourself if you do find yourself judging a thought, saying either this is a good/bad thought. Then you will be judging the judging and will go cross eyed. No not really, but just don't complicate things for yourself. Pretend that your thoughts are cars on a train. One car comes slowly along and you get to look at it from afar, then watch it as it slowly trundles off. In between the thoughts become aware of your breathing without trying to manipulate it in any way. Try to stay in the present moment as much as possible but also remembering that you shouldn't fight off a thought if it decided to come along. This is a good way to start without getting overwhelmed for trying to find a block of time with which to meditate. Again, if you want the guided meditations you can find them on the first of my meditation blogs from Jon Kabat-Zinn.

I have so many more things I planned to say about meditation but I think it's time to move on for now.

peace and love

Janae

You only have moments to live!

So I've been telling myself I wasn't allowed to blog again until I fixed some visual errors on this thing. Notice how you can barely read the title? I'm a little "computer illiterate" I like to joke, so my husband who lives, breathes and eats computers helps me a bit from time to time. Problem is, he helps me then get's really busy with work and I get stuck with my blog looking weird and I'm terrified to change it! Also, I decided I wanted to start adding some pictures to liven things up a bit. So here is a beautiful picture of a waterfall that I took while hiking this summer; it really doesn't have much to do with anything. I WAS going to put a picture of me meditating on here but lost the cable that downloads pictures from my camera to the computer. Oops!

Oh well, I wanted to write anyway! I'm not going to let all that little stuff stop me, but rest assured that I will be sprucing things up so that we can chat in a more comfortable environment.

Where were we? Ah yes, You only have moments to live. So begins Chapter one of Jon Kabbat-Zinns "Full Catastrophe Living". I'm only a few chapters into this book, but this phrase just won't get out of my mind! You only have moments to live. This moment. Right now. Live in THIS moment. Scientists say we have about 60,000 thoughts per day and 90% of those are the same thoughts we thought yesterday and the day before. Why? because most of those thoughts are worrying about the future or re-hashing the past. Do we ever think about what we are doing right now? I know I don't! However, I am working to change that.

With what now? That's right, meditation. It's not mystical hocus pocus. All you are doing is training your brain to stay in the present. To experience what is going on in your life, right in that moment, with no judgement, accepting how things are, and not how you would like them to be or how you wish they were. Meditation is simply practicing how to systematically stay in the present. How to pay attention in a particular way and with no judgement.

So for the past year or so I have been doing a sort of relaxation/meditation thing everyday for 15 min. The first time I sat for a formal 40 minute meditation I thought "hey, I've got this, I've been doing it for a year!". But man, trying to keep my mind in the present was like caging a feral animal. It immediately began looking for a way out. Suddenly the guiders voice faded out and the valley girl deep inside me started running her mouth. "So like, did you see Tiffany the other day? (smacks gum and twirls hair) Those shorts were way to short for her, and I really need to start doing more lunges, and I LOVE Dr. Pepper, and I think my dog is getting fat, and..." you get the picture. Relaxation is great-but it was not like trying to stay present and pay attention to your breathing. I missed most of what the guider on my CD said that first day, but thankfully I was prepared for that. Meditation is a PRACTICE not a GOAL. Every new moment is another moment to try again. Don't beat yourself up about it, it's hard in the beginning just like learning to cook or play the piano. You're not going to be able to cook a perfect 3 course delicacy your very first time or play a perfect concerto, so don't sweat it. Just like playing the piano, though, you won't get good unless you practice everyday.

One thing I've noticed has gotten better already from my 3 whole weeks of meditating? Sleeping! Sleeping has gotten better. I have a friend who says that as soon as she closes her eye's to go to bed at night, the movie of her day begins to play from beginning to end. Whether good or bad it begins to replay over and over to keep her up into the wee hours of the morning. I confess, this happens to me too. I also worry about every little thing and tend to wake up a lot in the night. But lately, I've noticed, I stay asleep until the morning. I still have problems going to sleep at night but that is so much more tolerable then the constant awakenings, feeling like you never get any REM can make you so crabby. If you're a new mom, or have ever been one then you know what I'm talking about, girlfriends!

Right now I am in my 3d week of my 9 week brain exercise/diet, and I'm feeling pretty good. And if I can do it, anyone can! I will keep you all posted so in the mean time- live in this moment, it's all we have, so smile!

Janae

resolve

I'm a little late on the whole New Year's resolution thing, I know, but things have been really busy around here. I've been trying to decide on a few specific ones for myself, and after hearing a few others- work out, eat better, be nicer, work harder, finish school etc.. -I've decided on one big one. My goal? It's the same as everyone else's. Be Happier! Think about it, everyone wants to resolve to do something to make themselves just a little bit happier. No one ever says, "this year, I want to curl up in the fetal position in my house and stare morosely at the wall". We all want the same things, right? Almost everything we do is striving towards those little elusive good feelings.

I have narrowed it down a little more than "be happier", of course. But my goal isn't be more rich and be more thin and hopefully that will make me happy. My goal is more happiness itself.

So, my first goal is: Meditate regularly every week. Remember my last post said that I was going to give you the "cream of the crop" in positive habits? Well, here it is. The big Kahuna. My number one pick for happiness increasing bliss.

What do you think of when you hear the word "meditate"? I'll tell you what I first thought (and sometimes still do). I picture a Tibetan monk atop a high misty mountain, swathed in orange fabric, sitting cross legged with a look of pure serenity gleaming from his face as a car sized gong is being rung, echoing off the mountains...

"Psh! That has nothing to do with an American house wife who grew up in Idaho!" I though it was just something weird that eastern cultures did and I couldn't fathom why. But you don't have to be a Tibetan monk in order to get that look of serenity to cross your face. If you can close your eye's and imagine the back of your own hand, you can learn to meditate. Every single book I've read, without exception, mentions meditation as one of the top reducers of stress and anxiety. We all have stress, right? And often we think, as soon as this project (or whatever the stress-er might be) is over, then I won't be stressed anymore. But what about when life keeps throwing up challenge after challenge. Are you really going to wait months, maybe years, to feel calm again? Especially when you can learn, right now, to be calm and serene no matter the ups and downs.

This is how I feel about meditation:

Diet and exercise = healthy body (very important)

meditation = healthy mind (also very important)

Exercise for the mind. Plain and simple. I have a veritable laundry list of things meditation can do for you, like:

-reduction of stress

-better focus

-improves sleep, and can even cure insomnia

-helps with weight loss (good one, eh?)

-helps to dramatically reduce headaches

-decreases muscle tension

-less sickness

-helps lower blood pressure

-and, people who meditate report less acne!

Here are 100 more reasons to get you motivated to meditate. I'm thinking I might even print it off and stick it to my wall where I meditate to keep me pumped!

I have only been meditating regularly for about 2 weeks and I'm hooked, but just like learning to play the piano, it takes time with not much in the way of instant results. In fact the research studies I've seen say that it takes about 9 weeks to begin to see quantifiable results. However, as long as you keep practicing, the results are permanent. It can lastingly change your brain for the positive! There's so much information on meditation I can't possibly relay it here, nor have I seen all the info. there is to be seen. So to keep you from being overwhelmed I'll be writing a little more in the next few posts about meditating.

If this was enough to peak your interest in meditating and you would like to try it, then I suggest Jon Kabat-Zinn's guided meditations for beginners. His CD's are the first ones I happened to stumble upon so I've been using those. You can order them from his website. I promise I'm not getting any sort of kick back from this guy, so you know this is purely because I think he does what he does well. Also, pick up his book "Wherever you go, there you are". It's a seriously good read, even if you don't think you would be into meditating.

I also have a resolution to eat more healthy and work out more! I just want to clarify that those are also things that can make you happiness lift. As for meditating, I am really going to stick to it for the next 9 weeks and let you know how it goes. Wish me luck!

Zen to you all,

Janae