You only have moments to live!

So I've been telling myself I wasn't allowed to blog again until I fixed some visual errors on this thing. Notice how you can barely read the title? I'm a little "computer illiterate" I like to joke, so my husband who lives, breathes and eats computers helps me a bit from time to time. Problem is, he helps me then get's really busy with work and I get stuck with my blog looking weird and I'm terrified to change it! Also, I decided I wanted to start adding some pictures to liven things up a bit. So here is a beautiful picture of a waterfall that I took while hiking this summer; it really doesn't have much to do with anything. I WAS going to put a picture of me meditating on here but lost the cable that downloads pictures from my camera to the computer. Oops!

Oh well, I wanted to write anyway! I'm not going to let all that little stuff stop me, but rest assured that I will be sprucing things up so that we can chat in a more comfortable environment.

Where were we? Ah yes, You only have moments to live. So begins Chapter one of Jon Kabbat-Zinns "Full Catastrophe Living". I'm only a few chapters into this book, but this phrase just won't get out of my mind! You only have moments to live. This moment. Right now. Live in THIS moment. Scientists say we have about 60,000 thoughts per day and 90% of those are the same thoughts we thought yesterday and the day before. Why? because most of those thoughts are worrying about the future or re-hashing the past. Do we ever think about what we are doing right now? I know I don't! However, I am working to change that.

With what now? That's right, meditation. It's not mystical hocus pocus. All you are doing is training your brain to stay in the present. To experience what is going on in your life, right in that moment, with no judgement, accepting how things are, and not how you would like them to be or how you wish they were. Meditation is simply practicing how to systematically stay in the present. How to pay attention in a particular way and with no judgement.

So for the past year or so I have been doing a sort of relaxation/meditation thing everyday for 15 min. The first time I sat for a formal 40 minute meditation I thought "hey, I've got this, I've been doing it for a year!". But man, trying to keep my mind in the present was like caging a feral animal. It immediately began looking for a way out. Suddenly the guiders voice faded out and the valley girl deep inside me started running her mouth. "So like, did you see Tiffany the other day? (smacks gum and twirls hair) Those shorts were way to short for her, and I really need to start doing more lunges, and I LOVE Dr. Pepper, and I think my dog is getting fat, and..." you get the picture. Relaxation is great-but it was not like trying to stay present and pay attention to your breathing. I missed most of what the guider on my CD said that first day, but thankfully I was prepared for that. Meditation is a PRACTICE not a GOAL. Every new moment is another moment to try again. Don't beat yourself up about it, it's hard in the beginning just like learning to cook or play the piano. You're not going to be able to cook a perfect 3 course delicacy your very first time or play a perfect concerto, so don't sweat it. Just like playing the piano, though, you won't get good unless you practice everyday.

One thing I've noticed has gotten better already from my 3 whole weeks of meditating? Sleeping! Sleeping has gotten better. I have a friend who says that as soon as she closes her eye's to go to bed at night, the movie of her day begins to play from beginning to end. Whether good or bad it begins to replay over and over to keep her up into the wee hours of the morning. I confess, this happens to me too. I also worry about every little thing and tend to wake up a lot in the night. But lately, I've noticed, I stay asleep until the morning. I still have problems going to sleep at night but that is so much more tolerable then the constant awakenings, feeling like you never get any REM can make you so crabby. If you're a new mom, or have ever been one then you know what I'm talking about, girlfriends!

Right now I am in my 3d week of my 9 week brain exercise/diet, and I'm feeling pretty good. And if I can do it, anyone can! I will keep you all posted so in the mean time- live in this moment, it's all we have, so smile!

Janae