Mythical

The myth of MORE and the myth of WHEN. Do you ever get stuck in these never ending myth vortex's? The myth that "I will be happy when I have MORE stuff", and "I will be happy WHEN things go my way". What happens when you get that toy or that promotion? Think back to the last time you longed for something and the planets aligned to give you that very thing. How long did it make you happy? For me this "thing" is usually clothes, they're my weakness, my little lovely's. That perfect pair of pants that simultaneously lift your butt and suck in your thigh's, or that shirt that's so deceptively simple but makes you look like you suddenly went from B's to C's. Researchers say that "things" make you happy for about 3 days. Then you return to your happiness set point. It never adds to your overall happiness.

Back up, what is a "happiness set point"? Researchers say that everyone has what is called this happiness set point. It's sort of like a thermostat of happiness and it's set so that you always come back to a certain level. Like if you set you're thermostat to 65, your house air control will heat or cool the house until it get's back to about this range. Maybe it will get a few degree's hotter or cooler but it's always trying to reach the set point. So here's the fun part, researchers have also found that you can raise your happiness set point. Not with thing's or when's, but how things are, right now.

You can find all of this information and much more in the book Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff. I heart this book. I rarely say I heart things, but this book I do, I really, really do. It's one of my top 5 books towards greater happiness. Now I haven't read every book out there, but I've read about 20 books on this subject and I'm going to be giving you the fabulous 5 at the top of my list, of which, this is one.

The problem with things and when is, if you think about it, to have a happy life, you will somehow need to string together a constant parade of getting things and making things go your way. That sounds pretty exhausting and disappointing to me. You're pegging your fulfillment of life on external circumstances and people who will probably never live up to your standards. Marci Shimoff explains it like this: It's like a necklace that you are stringing beads on. If the string you are using is already happy, then you can put any color bead on it you want. Be it a new car, loss of a loved one, a job promotion, a vacation etc, your core is happy even though you are experiencing anger, love, sadness or whatever.

I've seen this very thing in myself with houses I've lived in. The first house I lived in being a married adult was a tiny run down half a step up from being in a trailer park. I often thought, "wow, I've got to get out of here, I'll be so much happier!" When we finally moved to a hip apartment in Salt Lake we were over joyed. It was so clean! It had a fire place! It had a pool! Oh glory of glories! About 6 months later I felt the same about that apartment as I did about the first house. Rent was being raised! the thing was tiny! No yard! 3 flights of steps hauling my baby and car seat up and down! Oh, I would be so happy if we lived in a house! We finally bought our current house and I was so happy. For about 6 months until I was wanting the next biggest and baddest thing. Then the housing market absolutely bottomed out, and I was forced to change my attitude of "I'll be happy when we get a bigger house". When I look back, I was always already happy in every house I've lived in. I just liked that high of getting in the bigger and nicer house which only lasted about 6 months. And let me tell you, this constant wanting drives my husband up a wall. The best thing about my house now isn't the paint on the walls or the number of beds/baths. It's my friends in the neighborhood and my kid's friends. I've got such a good thing going here that money didn't buy and money can't take away.

So next time you find yourself thinking, "I'll be happy when..." or "I'll be happy with more..." Stop and take a look around. I think you'll find you're already somewhat happy with at least some things in your life. Focus on those things and appreciate them everyday, this is one of the ways you can raise your happiness set points from the inside out.

Peace out.

Janae